Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Bumped into an Ex

I bumped into Mr. Joy Division last Sunday. I didn’t realize how much I have missed him since we broke up until that sunday.

Is it normal that letting go seems the hardest thing to do or am I just making it impossible to let go? Or is it something else?

On early days,

Mr. Joy Division once said, “If I sat next to you, would you run away?”

“Yeah, I would, only with you.”

I never really expected he would end up becoming my boyfriend and now, an ex. I thought he would be one of the guys that I will flirt around and eventually leave at the end of the day where I would say to myself and to him – ‘the feelings just went away, I’m sorry’. But who knows he stayed.

Well, love doesn’t come easily –it doesn’t come easy to me to be frank. I believe once we express love, love fades away. I do not know how to explain this but that is how it works to me. Not that I’m saying I don’t believe in love but I see love damages the feelings and the people. I see love is too good to be true.

I used to be in open relationships with guys. I value my own freedom. I don’t like to be tied up with anything. I find open relationships easy that way – no commitment. Easy come easy go. Until I met Mr. Joy Division, I dared myself to take it seriously this time – I took my chances to learn how to love and to be loved by someone. 7th September, my life started to change and I changed myself.

Distant - then I gave up - When love goes wrong, nothing goes right

We didn’t break up, I didn’t say it neither did he but we both know this isn’t going anywhere. So, I finally free myself from him. Surprisingly, it took me a week to get used of not having him around and almost a month to get over him. I am fast.

- I get on the train and I just stand about now that I don’t think of you. I keep falling over, I keep passing out when I see a face like you. What am I coming to? I am going to melt down...


P.S - Well people, as I am getting through, I have realised that it was only an infatuation not love and I am happy that I am done with this part. To answer my questions above, we are just making it impossible to let go. So, stop going around the circle and get real!

My own fairy godmother

After putting myself deeply into this thought, I’ve come back to my senses. The last few months have put me into shitty condition. They changed me completely – found & lost, making-up & breaking-up, truth or dare, new unexpected experiences, just too much to take in a shot.

Now that I am a year older, hopefully that makes me wiser. I’ve been telling myself that I am a fairy godmother to my loved ones -I make their wishes come true.

And,..I think I should stop myself now and be my own fairy godmother. I make my own wishes come true, care to help me out people?

I am done using my magic spells on them.
p.s. I've got my glass slipper left behind. Hello prince charming?

Living today



You know, in between waking and sleeping, there are many stories happen in our lives - my stories, yours, ours. Funny isn't it? Just in a day it all happens to us. I certainly love today and live only in the present.