Bumped into an Ex

I bumped into Mr. Joy Division last Sunday. I didn’t realize how much I have missed him since we broke up until that sunday.

Is it normal that letting go seems the hardest thing to do or am I just making it impossible to let go? Or is it something else?

On early days,

Mr. Joy Division once said, “If I sat next to you, would you run away?”

“Yeah, I would, only with you.”

I never really expected he would end up becoming my boyfriend and now, an ex. I thought he would be one of the guys that I will flirt around and eventually leave at the end of the day where I would say to myself and to him – ‘the feelings just went away, I’m sorry’. But who knows he stayed.

Well, love doesn’t come easily –it doesn’t come easy to me to be frank. I believe once we express love, love fades away. I do not know how to explain this but that is how it works to me. Not that I’m saying I don’t believe in love but I see love damages the feelings and the people. I see love is too good to be true.

I used to be in open relationships with guys. I value my own freedom. I don’t like to be tied up with anything. I find open relationships easy that way – no commitment. Easy come easy go. Until I met Mr. Joy Division, I dared myself to take it seriously this time – I took my chances to learn how to love and to be loved by someone. 7th September, my life started to change and I changed myself.

Distant - then I gave up - When love goes wrong, nothing goes right

We didn’t break up, I didn’t say it neither did he but we both know this isn’t going anywhere. So, I finally free myself from him. Surprisingly, it took me a week to get used of not having him around and almost a month to get over him. I am fast.

- I get on the train and I just stand about now that I don’t think of you. I keep falling over, I keep passing out when I see a face like you. What am I coming to? I am going to melt down...

P.S - Well people, as I am getting through, I have realised that it was only an infatuation not love and I am happy that I am done with this part. To answer my questions above, we are just making it impossible to let go. So, stop going around the circle and get real!